Freedom to Fail

The odd thing about grades is that they have never really been at the forefront of my mind.  I mean I've always tried to do well and acquire those good grades, but I've never had to sacrifice my own personal educational ambitions to get them.  I most often found myself learning what I've wanted to learn and working towards what I've wanted to work towards within the confines of class and what was being taught and always came away with high marks.  Last semester, however, was a different story...

here i am, i'd like to go there.

I find it odd that whenever I get the urge to post about how life is going in general all I can seem to discuss is how frustrated I am.
Why can't I just as easily recall that in my life which is going well?  Or that in my life that I am striving for outside of what frustrates me?

WELL NO MORE!!!  I actually intend to talk about something other than that which frustrates me!

the devil

I must admit the concept of the Devil/Satan intrigues me.  I choose the word concept for a reason; since I've been in seminary that hasn't been one mention or discussion on the subject, except in my classes on evangelism.  I find this incredibly interesting that it would be discussed in my evangelism class and yet not discussed in either my biblical studies classes, nor my theology classes; likewise, I find it frustrating.

what it feels like to die... or just finals week

I've been busy since I've returned from Thanksgiving, and it's not about to let up!  This is not the most enjoyable time of the year, but for whatever reason it seems to be much more busy than last year, or even last May.  Perhaps because I had one or two less exams for those semesters, and perhaps it's also because I wasn't married.  Perhaps it's also because I have an internship that requires much more involvement, and I allow it to involve more of me.

stupid Jesus

This quote resonated with me:

"I had stopped saying the word “Jesus.”  95% of the time, I only spoke of “God.”  Or if I had to speak of him, I referred to God the Son, the second Person of the Trinity, the Logos…names that sounded intellectual and sophisticated.  If I had to speak of the Son incarnate, then I spoke of Christ, or the God-man.  Never Jesus Christ, and certainly never just Jesus.  Loving Jesus, following Jesus, seeking Jesus — these were the province of fundamentalists, Bible thumpers, Jesus Freaks, crude Christians who wore WWJD bracelets and listened to Michael W. Smith and read Max Lucado instead of Jurgen Moltmann."
If you want you can read the whole blog whole blog here.

Oddly enough, but not really, I have had a similar experience.

i'm a cynic and a skeptic

It's true.  I have increasingly become more and more cynical and I hate it.
It's because I am, at the same time, an idealist; this is an odd balance, I know.

To be honest I find it extremely frustrating, and I know I'm not the only one, thankfully.  Recently, at my wedding, I was having a conversation with one of my groomsmen who had just graduated from grad school, essentially a seminary, with a degree in counseling.  He said that he has increasingly become, like myself, a cynic, and also like me, hates it.  It's a very frustrating view to have on life, the world and everyone you know.  And yet, neither he or I can seem to fight it.
It seems like a loss of innocence or naivete, but I wouldn't call it that; I think it is more so the loss of ignorance and the frustrations that come when finite hopes become infinitely impossible to realize.  I do still have hope, but I know that, in all likelihood, they will remain only hope and never become a reality.

its been a while... again

You know I thought that once this whole semester thing was over I'd be blogging more again.  Then I started working 4 days a week and painting a house when I got home.
I realized it's just way easier to post stati on facebook and watch TV.  Blogging requires actually putting my mind to work. Haha, I guess I am just really lazy.
Anyways, what I've been wanting to say for a while is...

getting what i paid for

I like to get what I'm paying for, in fact I expect it and hold myself to it.

Example 1:
My car.  It cost me 3000 bucks... trust me I am getting what I paid for.  It's not the greatest car in the world, well lets say it sucks.  I bought it out of necessity and I think I actually over paid, but supply and demand baby.  The radio volume control doesn't work and so it's stuck at a level unhearable at interstate cruising speeds.  I also am scared to death to run the AC because I just don't think the battery could handle the load when I'm not going 75 mph.  Its frustrating of course, but I am getting what I paid for.

a bit of distance...

There's one thing I don't necessarily enjoy about what I'm experiencing at seminary: I feel I have become almost over intellectualized; I see things in a very intellectual way, in very theological ways.  It's good, but its nothing like what I experienced when I was in Greensboro.

In Greensboro there was a certain limit to it, mainly because I simply didn't have the time for it, nor was I given the direction.  I had other things to accomplish and better pursuits to go after.  I feel as if I was more connected to my humanness, where as now I feel connected to a sort of transcendence.