in the Middle.

When I was in high school, Jimmy Eat World released a song, "The Middle", two things about the song... it was, and still is, very good and it was one of those songs a high schooler could connect to... because you know they're all the same, and you're very different.

The concept jump back into my head recently.  Because it's weird being in the middle.  Home becomes very empty because it seems like there's only a few in the middle and it's intimidating trying to find those few in the middle without having to put some of your self on the line.
Here's the song by the way, because if you're anything like me once you get a song in your head you just have to listen to it: Jimmy Eat World "The Middle"

I can think of three areas in my life where I feel like I am predominantly in the middle. Identity, politics, theology.

ideologue identity and I

I just thought this too funny to not put on here.

I'm not particularly sure what has inspired this thought process as of late, be it the current debt ceiling fracas or something streaming from my prior post...  I suppose it would be the former at first, and then my ruminating on it that drew connections to the latter.  Of course, none of that matters, really.

I'm like most Americans, I think.  This whole political brinkmanship, infighting and partisanship has bugged me since I actually started paying attention in undergrad.  I suppose its no surprise that its come to this, I have a few friends who are hard-line and unforgiving in their ideology (or should I say dogma) on both ends of the spectrum.  I hate talking politics with them, you can guess why... there is no room for them being wrong, not even in the slightest. They are ideologues.

I'm no foreigner to the mindset of an ideologue.  I think I expressed the fact, even though never clearly stated, that I myself was an ideologue in several areas at one time.  I have since grown out of that; at least I don't think I'm still an unforgiving, dogmatic to a fault ideologue.  I am an idealist, yes, but I have been tempered by reality.  (What does that make me an idealist realist, or a realist idealist?).  Which means I know that I very well could be wrong in many things; I need only experience or reasoning far more sound (not louder) than mine to prove it, as has been proved in the past.  OK, I guess I still can be an unforgiving jerk, but that's only because some people's reasoning is faulty... but does that make a a jerk or an ideologue?  ...it's a rhetorical question, don't answer it.

Even still its difficult not to be an ideologue.  We are all informed by ideals and, thus, an ideology.  Even the apathetic are set on the ideal of apathy.  And I find that my main qualm is with ideologues in the arena of theology/philosophy and politics...

organic and cruelty free: God help me.

I wrote a blog post sometime ago on a book I had to read for my Old Testament class, and I'm not going to lie it changed my life... Well let me rephrase that, it continued the process of change that the love of my life started.  This way my wife gets all of the credit and I score points with her!

You can view that blog post here: christians should be organic and further thoughts on it here: further thoughts on agrarian

The process has been quite a challenging one.  It's just a preference for me that I want simply because it sounds nice... its far more theological for me, I guess you could say its more of a conviction that I think I, as Christian, should eat organic.  It's more than just nicer and cleaner, it's also more "right."  That is, I think Scripture points towards a more ethical, not economic, treatment of the earth and Creation.  (notice the globe... it means my view is holistic and cares for the earth... you know, typical)

i don't wanna farm

I'm scared I might be a seeder/seed planter.
That is I'm scared that in my ministry career I am meant to be one who goes out and sows the message and truth of the gospel, that I go out and teach.  There is of course nothing wrong with that, but I am scared that that is all it is meant to be.  I'll be honest, I'd much rather reap what others have sowed; I like harvesting, its "easy" and fun.
Jesus was a seed sower...

When nothing energizes

So a thought crossed my mind upon reading a friend of mine's blog.
Meaninglessness in life.  For the existentialist this is of course to be expected, but for someone with religion, faith or what have you, it is unexpected, and the hardest part is dealing with it.  Often times I know I have felt this way.  My thought process is this:  "OK, I have a problem; I feel little.  I need to fix the problem; I need more faith because if I had faith I wouldn't feel this 'lessness'.  I need to feed my faith by going to that which I know that feeds it (in my case Christian Scripture)."
I'm won't lie, sometimes, most times, it just does not work.  I am seeking joy, fulfillment, experience and I must admit Scripture doesn't really give that.  But, it does give me eyes to see it and know it.  However, in these times I feel listless and need to be able to see why is it that when I go Scripture to be inspired I don't find it working?  I'll admit there is one reason that it doesn't work: legalism.  I am only doing it to try and make some magic happen.  The other times I don't know, but I think a fair assessment would be that its not that I need to have my eyes opened but that I need to be in a place to be able to use them.  Often times this past semester I got incredibly bogged down in school; talk about lifeless, studying and learning, and as much as I absolutely love it, it just gets monotonous, without any reprieve. Then the time of the week comes where I am exhausted and drained, and I have to go to my internship at the retirement community.  Let me tell you, there is nothing more lame than having to go to an internship when you have absolutely no desire to.

But then again, for whatever reason its rejuvenating.  I'll admit at times it was hard this past semester, trying to get up the energy to go out and love people, but the right mindset is when I need.  My mindset when it works is selfless and serving, thinking about the small things I am doing, because they are small things, to further the work of the chaplain ministry of the community; when its hard its being worried about if these small things amount to anything and if its just a big waste of my time.  I wonder, though, what will it be like when I am doing ministry full-time?  The main question is how can I find joy when I get bogged down in the things find joy in, like learning, theology and ministry?  Right now I find it by getting out of what I get bogged down in and getting into a place to give myself away, to serve and love, and even though I am completely and totally drained at times, giving myself to serve people seems to give me life and energy.  That's something that I want to do just as much now as when I am older.  Its something I want to do with Alison when we are married, something to do together with my kids when we have them.

Explosive messages

Extremism is quite ridiculous, and according to the news, quite prevalent.

It is especially active in Iraq and Afghanistan where soldiers are stationed fighting terrorism and promoting democracy; unfortunately this leads to us seeing extremism as being promoted by only by Muslims.

This of course isn't true, I remember Eric Rudolph's bombing of Olympic Park bombing in 1996 not to mention his other bombings around Atlanta in the mid-90s.  His religion was that of Christianity.  There are numerous other groups that claim Christianity as their religion and are extremists as well.  Political groups can be extremists as well.  The Nazis, Stalin's communism, Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge were all extreme, of course they aren't called extremists, they are guilty of genocide interestingly enough.

But when you think about it, what really drives anyone to be so extreme?  I don't think they are motivated so much by hate as they are by fear.  And they fear that this other ideology is not simply against them but against the humanity that they care about.  I know it sounds ridiculous.  Consider Hitler, I would say that he hated the Jews not because they were Jews but because he loved Germany.  Thus, to ensure the success of Germany he had to to away with the "Marxist Jews".  I'll admit that this is extremely simplistic and a reading of Mein Kampf might help.  It almost seems legitimate... almost.  

I mean there is no justification for what Hitler did, or anyone who commits extreme acts of violence.  But I can understand at least what drives them to it.  Fear.  Its like a last ditch effort, you see a high probability of failure, of destruction and somehow you need to find a way to fix it and then you find a scapegoat.  The only course of action then is to take care of the problem, by blowing up Americans or abortion clinics or systematically killing a people group.  To be honest, I find myself falling into these fears at times.  Fears of psychological and eating disorders fueled by fashion models, fear of extremists Christians groups ruining the message of Christ, fears of corporations and government ruining the environment, fears of Obama ruining the nation... OK, so not really the last one, perhaps a fear of Glenn Beck ruining the nation...? 

At any rate, I would say that they are substantial fears that, if realized, have far reaching implications.  But what can I do?  I mean, I feasibly can't change the corporate world of fashion or industry, I can't feasibly change the way politics are done, I can't feasibly change the crazy ideas of Christian extremists.   What can I do?  What course of action could I take that could change anything?  The extremist idea would be to blow something up to send a message, and as an individual I could do that, and if there is enough planning you not only blow something up, but you do it big, like the Twin Towers, that sends a big message, or you do it intelligently that shuts down the function of something, like in Fight Club.  I can easily see how fear could lead someone(s) to think in such a way, it is very simple (illogical) logic.

I am very thankful though that my fears are allayed by my faith in Christ.  I don't have to commit extreme acts to ensure a place in an other worldly paradise, nor do I have to do so to make this place a paradise.  Because this place will become paradise, whether I do anything to further that or not.  I could actually play a part in destroying the world and it would become paradise, of course it would be a miserable existence until then, but it would become it nonetheless.  This is the glory of the New Jerusalem being here on this 3rd planet from the Sun, and the glory that it is the risen Christ that will be the one who brings it.  There is no need for me to exercise vengeance or justice either.  I don't need to be the one that blows up those whom I think are committing acts of injustice or destruction, because it is the risen Christ that does that also.  Thus, when I experience fear, I am not filled with hopelessness that drives extremism, I am filled with hope.

I hope that the work Christ began, he is finishing. 

turn it inside out

Christmas is awesome.
I love Christmas.  I love Christmas music, and I love Christmas cheer, and "the best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear"- Elf.

I also love Christmas for the fact of little baby Jesus.  Yes, he is our savior and that is way totally awesome, but it is so much deeper than that.  It's ridiculous when you actually think about Christmas, like what went on.  It's not just that Jesus was born, but it's that Jesus was born... am I confusing you?
Let me put it like this, Jesus, Son of God and God incarnate, was born as a human.  That is impressive, and I think some get it, but many people don't get it.  Pithy phrases like "Jesus is the reason for the season" just don't capture it.   Most have this idea of Jesus being born in a barn to ultimately die for the redemption of humanity and this other idea of Jesus being one with the Father, and they never put two and two together.


This one thing has really been sticking out more and more to me lately, the sheer contradiction of Jesus a human and God a not-human.  When God comes into this world as Jesus, God essentially became not-God.  Think of it, God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, holy and glorious.  Jesus is finite in everyone of those areas, he had finite power, finite knowledge, finite presence, was born and raised not by a priestly family of affluence, but by an poorer carpenter family - there's is nothing holy and glorious about that.  The climax of the life of Jesus is even more ridiculous, he becomes sin; there is nothing more opposite of God than that.  God came to earth as Jesus to essentially not be himself, not just be not himself, but the polar opposite.

This is not to say that Jesus couldn't have been more like a deity.  Jesus most definitely had the capabilities, but Phil. 2:6 puts it like this "though being in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped."  INCREDIBLE!  Think of what Jesus could have been, but what Jesus was.  He could have called on the angels to rescue him, but he didn't.  He could have.... done well pretty much anything to make him more glorious, and yet he didn't.  He remained a humble servant of not only God, but of humanity... the most high God became the most humble of creatures, and not only that but served them and is the sacrifice for them as well.

I just think its incredible that God turned himself inside out for us.  He not only bent over backwards, but became not-God, he became opposite his nature and character just to rescue us.  Why?  It'd be like me becoming last so that I may be first, or leaving 99 sheep to find one.  It is illogical and stupid, and yet its what God has done.  God went off and got illogical; he became the very opposite of everything he was to open the gates of the kingdom for sinners like me.