hope and fear

Friends, Co-Workers Seek Clues in Search For Missing DC Christian Outreach Worker: MyFoxDC.com

I'll admit I am very scared right now and worried.  This is a guy that not only did I spend a whole summer with but shared a room with along with 2 other guys at Myrtle Beach during my heydays in campus ministry.  Of all the summers in college, I'm not gonna lie, that one was probably my most favorite.  Due in no small part to him, of course there was also Springer and Ryan and that was a unique situation in itself.

sometimes hobbies gotta die

One thing that I have realized lately is that I'm too busy.  I will refrain from taking more than 12 hours a semester all at once from now on.  I will get a August and January term in and then have 12 hours for the semester so I can get my 15/semester total.  Of course I have not withdrawn from my classes now; call me stubborn or call me stupid and I'd agree.
The other thing I realized... sometimes your hobby just gotta die.  It's blogging and working out for me, for instance.  Because I am just so busy, I can't handle, much less think about, spending time doing things other than studying all week and spending time with Alison on the weekend. Were I single I would just have a free weekend.  It's all about getting priorities straight, what are the essentials and what are the nonessentials?

It hurts too, I love blogging; I literally have a list of 5 thoughts/ideas, that I want to work through on this blog and that's been adding up since the first day of class, and I really wanna work out, ya know for the honeymoon... and well I think that's enough justification in itself, but I would also like to be healthy as well.  It makes me wonder what next semester will look like when not only will classes are essential, but so is my wife.  I certainly hope I don't cut into either of those.  I think I'd much rather lose sleeping and eating...

But I guess this is my thought for now...  I am gonna start studying for my Old Testament class.
If you want some good musings I myself have a personal fondness for www.donmilleris.com and www.qideas.org

fear cubed

I guess this might be a final thought on fear… but who knows; at least it’s the final one thus far.

Why am I not fearful about more things?  I mean I know what I am scared of and have admitted as such to myself and I also know what I am scared of and have not admitted to myself, but what really has got me at the moment is: why am I not fearful of these things that  I should be fearful of?

 I won’t get into the details of what those things should be.

fear good

So I am scared of my future, it’s really no big deal. 

In fact, I’m glad to say that I am, at least I’m a realist.  I don’t think we are honest enough with fear.  It’s like we want to cover it up, as if it’s bad.  There seems to be something wrong with crying out and admitting to fear.  We really are a bunch of liars; we go around showing strength and fortitude, and yet we are crying for answers and certainty. 

For my Old Testament class we have to read all of the Psalms.

i don't wanna farm

I'm scared I might be a seeder/seed planter.
That is I'm scared that in my ministry career I am meant to be one who goes out and sows the message and truth of the gospel, that I go out and teach.  There is of course nothing wrong with that, but I am scared that that is all it is meant to be.  I'll be honest, I'd much rather reap what others have sowed; I like harvesting, its "easy" and fun.
Jesus was a seed sower...