So for me my greatest fears have always seemed to revolve around a fear of failure. Not necessarily a fear that I won't measure up to standards, nor that I would not do as well as I would like. Granted both of those can probably play a role in my specific fear, they simply are not where my mind goes when I think of my failure.
No, my fear is that I will fail in some way, shape or form to minister as effectively as I was created to. Which, I think, is a legitimate fear, because when I fail in ministry it is not I, though I indeed may suffer some sort of consequence(s), it is the one(s) I am ministering to that will feel it the most, or so I think.
This fear has arisen recently, like today, because of Candler. Candler doesn't have a statement of faith, which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing, I mean there can be a benefit. In fact it is one of the reasons that I chose to go here, because it doesn't have a specific statement of faith its not in the indoctrination business of propounding said statement and showing the fallacies of other theological traditions. Instead it allows for one to pick and chose which theologies to adhere to and which to warn against by teaching the strengths and weaknesses of them all (Wesley, however, might be immune to this, but I can't be too sure, at least not yet).
This is great for me! I mean this sounds exactly like what I myself have done and would like to continue to do; I guess I'm just the rebel who has to find his own way in his own manner.
However, as excited as I am for that, it scares me a bit too. There is a great strength in being taught a theological tradition because if something about your theology screws something up, well you can just blame the tradition and the Seminary that taught it to you! OK, not really... But if I am able to, by my own devices, figure out my own unique theological system, what happens if, in my unwise youth, I leave something out? What happens if, in my unwise youth, I take something wrong in? What could the be consequences twenty years down the road when I look back and come to realize, "Oh crap, I screwed up"? That scares me, because then, I feel like, my failures in ministry reflect on my failure to love God with all my heart, soul and mind, by believing and living out a lie and that I did so for hidden or disguised, but nonetheless sinful reasons.
However, what I must say is that, thus far, I have been quite "me" focused. It is not lost on me that, even though I could burn down cities, burn every bridges and leave bodies behind me bloody and beaten, God will have His glory and He, in fact, is still sovereign in that. Don't ask me how (no really please don't) because I wouldn't have the slightest clue; in the same way, I don't have the slightest clue about how other past terrible things come to glorify Him now. It's not very Candler (well perhaps not) or Wesleyan of me, but I believe that even though I could screw up in a big way, God wanted it; He had, has and will have a purpose in it, and in the end only His glory will come of it and it will be for my good, because He has called me and I love Him. AMEN!
So I must say I am reassured and comforted by that, and I believe it. But still you gotta admit that would really bite if that happened....
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
SHOCKER! Though it shouldn't be
Well, this, in someways, is almost like a continuation of the last post that I had.
Mostly its on this idea of Pharisaicalism, not so much in this sense I used it last time. Though that, nonetheless, is important. Honestly, if someone is voting based solely on the two issues of gay marriage and abortion, they, like I said, are really voting in a Pharisaical manner. Why? Well, because what are they trying to do? They feel as if doing those two things is morally wrong and by voting on those two issues they are essentially forcing other individuals to comply to their own moral code. It may even been done in the name of love but not the sort of love that changes hearts or minds. They are giving people the burden of living morally right without giving people Jesus who's burden is light.
Aside from that, however, I was shown quite well that I am a Pharisee all the same, unfortunately. How? Well where do I begin?! Though the experience that brought this on was through me searching Scripture to see if something was allowed through my freedom in the Spirit. Of course this mindset should have raised red flags everywhere, I can't think of anything more dangerous than going to Scripture to justify one's actions. The other dangerous aspect was going to Scripture not expecting to be changed, but thankfully I was. I looked in Romans 14, I don't know why I thought of that one, but I knew it was about some people who did things of faith quite differently from other people.
What I came away with wasn't really anything new, and even though I knew it, I learned it again in a new way. I was reaffirmed that I have plenty of freedom in the Spirit to do many things it wasn't in the way that I was thinking. My previous thought process was that I have the freedom to do things so long as it is honorable to God, you know not sinning. However, here, in this Scripture, Paul wasn't speaking about two people doing things differently and they both being OK because neither of them were sinning; he is saying that they are OK because they are both trying to do these things in their desire to glorify God.
Well this was just a slap in the face to my own legalism. Here I am thinking that if its not sinning I am able to do it, although others may disagree. Where as I go to Scripture and God quite blatantly shows me that that in fact is a sinful way to live out life; instead of worrying about whether or not I can do something based on how it looks relative to sin, I should be basing it on whether or not my intent in it is to glorify God. Which, of course, will take care of the aspect of whether or not it is sinful. I am very thankful to have had read that passage. I don't want to live my life through the lens of sin/not sin, but the lens of glorifying to God/not glorifying to God. For one it does not make a mockery of the Cross that bore my sins and freed me to live a life of righteousness, all of which are for God's glory, by instead glorifying myself and my own ability to live ethical and seem upstanding. And I am sure there are many other reasons, but that one for now has stuck out the most to me.
I must add a small caveat, where as all things may have the intent of glorifying God, that doesn't necessarily mean that they will. There are things that cannot glorify God because they are sin, and things which God has said that He has no desire for cannot be given to Him as a gift, though I'm sure many would love to be able to do that.
Mostly its on this idea of Pharisaicalism, not so much in this sense I used it last time. Though that, nonetheless, is important. Honestly, if someone is voting based solely on the two issues of gay marriage and abortion, they, like I said, are really voting in a Pharisaical manner. Why? Well, because what are they trying to do? They feel as if doing those two things is morally wrong and by voting on those two issues they are essentially forcing other individuals to comply to their own moral code. It may even been done in the name of love but not the sort of love that changes hearts or minds. They are giving people the burden of living morally right without giving people Jesus who's burden is light.
Aside from that, however, I was shown quite well that I am a Pharisee all the same, unfortunately. How? Well where do I begin?! Though the experience that brought this on was through me searching Scripture to see if something was allowed through my freedom in the Spirit. Of course this mindset should have raised red flags everywhere, I can't think of anything more dangerous than going to Scripture to justify one's actions. The other dangerous aspect was going to Scripture not expecting to be changed, but thankfully I was. I looked in Romans 14, I don't know why I thought of that one, but I knew it was about some people who did things of faith quite differently from other people.
What I came away with wasn't really anything new, and even though I knew it, I learned it again in a new way. I was reaffirmed that I have plenty of freedom in the Spirit to do many things it wasn't in the way that I was thinking. My previous thought process was that I have the freedom to do things so long as it is honorable to God, you know not sinning. However, here, in this Scripture, Paul wasn't speaking about two people doing things differently and they both being OK because neither of them were sinning; he is saying that they are OK because they are both trying to do these things in their desire to glorify God.
Well this was just a slap in the face to my own legalism. Here I am thinking that if its not sinning I am able to do it, although others may disagree. Where as I go to Scripture and God quite blatantly shows me that that in fact is a sinful way to live out life; instead of worrying about whether or not I can do something based on how it looks relative to sin, I should be basing it on whether or not my intent in it is to glorify God. Which, of course, will take care of the aspect of whether or not it is sinful. I am very thankful to have had read that passage. I don't want to live my life through the lens of sin/not sin, but the lens of glorifying to God/not glorifying to God. For one it does not make a mockery of the Cross that bore my sins and freed me to live a life of righteousness, all of which are for God's glory, by instead glorifying myself and my own ability to live ethical and seem upstanding. And I am sure there are many other reasons, but that one for now has stuck out the most to me.
I must add a small caveat, where as all things may have the intent of glorifying God, that doesn't necessarily mean that they will. There are things that cannot glorify God because they are sin, and things which God has said that He has no desire for cannot be given to Him as a gift, though I'm sure many would love to be able to do that.
Friday, August 20, 2010
A thought from a time ago...
Hmm, so I was thinking back on the last two elections I voted in, and all of this of course was brought on by a show on PBA with Max Lucado. The topic of Christianity's role in politics came up and naturally this brought up my thoughts about my distaste for it how its done, and that then naturally made me recall how I experienced the whole thing twice when I was in college.
The interviewer mentioned that it was a good thing how many politicians were being out-right about their faith; as if they not trying to hide or mask it and should thus be commended for it. Yeah, whatever...
Ok, some are indeed quite Christian and quite commendable and truly faithful as one, but others just are not. I recall in the Bush/Kerry election how they were both trying to sell America on how they were indeed Christian, or Obama/McCain both did the same thing.
And me being the faithful follower that I am should vote for the "true" Christian. That being the one who is, specifically, anti gay-marriage and anti-abortion; quite the moral ethical issues of our day if one were to pick one, not to mention the family values candidate as well. Where as I totally am in agreement with the conservative's, nay, Republican's, for I think conservative should connote something completely different than morals in the political arena, side of the ethical argument, I am totally and completely disgusted with how politicians try to use that to pander to me, specifically, and Christians, in general. They try to buy our vote with that crap. The sad thing is, for most ignorant fools, it works, and then those same individuals who have been bought try and sell you on it, calling it a Christian duty. Bull!
Thus, we are brought to my thinking about my voting history. I voted for Kerry in the '04 election, mainly because I didn't like Bush's policies (No Child Left Behind, decision to take the War on Terror to Iraq). I didn't tell any of my peers about this, and I'm quite certain many still don't know, because they were sold on the idea that the "Christian" thing to do was vote for Bush, so God could blah blah blah. If I would have told them I desired to vote not for Bush, I would have been chastised, and indeed I recall feeling marginalized for even supposing the proposition that one might hypothetically vote for Kerry.
This of course only made me more hardened in my drive to not vote for Bush, because my faith and values there-in are not to make me a politicians political capital.
Further more as a Christian to vote simply in line with those two issues has got to be the stupidest thing I think anyone could do, not to mention not being a steward of our God given/American right to vote. Think of the sort of destruction could happen because of that? We vote a ton of moral conservatives who are economic, foreign and social policy idiots. Even still to vote in such a way insures, which many would say this is a good thing, that people will follow our Christian morals. Which sounds kind of like a Pharisee.
Is that what politics has brought Christianity too? Legalism? Pharisicalism?
I think Christians need to be better students of politics and not just buy into whomever the moral candidate is.
Perhaps its what Jesus would do?
The interviewer mentioned that it was a good thing how many politicians were being out-right about their faith; as if they not trying to hide or mask it and should thus be commended for it. Yeah, whatever...
Ok, some are indeed quite Christian and quite commendable and truly faithful as one, but others just are not. I recall in the Bush/Kerry election how they were both trying to sell America on how they were indeed Christian, or Obama/McCain both did the same thing.
And me being the faithful follower that I am should vote for the "true" Christian. That being the one who is, specifically, anti gay-marriage and anti-abortion; quite the moral ethical issues of our day if one were to pick one, not to mention the family values candidate as well. Where as I totally am in agreement with the conservative's, nay, Republican's, for I think conservative should connote something completely different than morals in the political arena, side of the ethical argument, I am totally and completely disgusted with how politicians try to use that to pander to me, specifically, and Christians, in general. They try to buy our vote with that crap. The sad thing is, for most ignorant fools, it works, and then those same individuals who have been bought try and sell you on it, calling it a Christian duty. Bull!
Thus, we are brought to my thinking about my voting history. I voted for Kerry in the '04 election, mainly because I didn't like Bush's policies (No Child Left Behind, decision to take the War on Terror to Iraq). I didn't tell any of my peers about this, and I'm quite certain many still don't know, because they were sold on the idea that the "Christian" thing to do was vote for Bush, so God could blah blah blah. If I would have told them I desired to vote not for Bush, I would have been chastised, and indeed I recall feeling marginalized for even supposing the proposition that one might hypothetically vote for Kerry.
This of course only made me more hardened in my drive to not vote for Bush, because my faith and values there-in are not to make me a politicians political capital.
Further more as a Christian to vote simply in line with those two issues has got to be the stupidest thing I think anyone could do, not to mention not being a steward of our God given/American right to vote. Think of the sort of destruction could happen because of that? We vote a ton of moral conservatives who are economic, foreign and social policy idiots. Even still to vote in such a way insures, which many would say this is a good thing, that people will follow our Christian morals. Which sounds kind of like a Pharisee.
Is that what politics has brought Christianity too? Legalism? Pharisicalism?
I think Christians need to be better students of politics and not just buy into whomever the moral candidate is.
Perhaps its what Jesus would do?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So now I'm in Atlanta
Being here in Atlanta is interesting to say in the least.
It's weird to move away from so many good friends that I developed strong deep ties too, friends who have helped me deepen my faith for 7 years. It's sad, but weird more so because I'm not super sad, don't get me wrong, I miss everyone dearly, but how can I be sad when I am only moving further into God's glory for my life?
I think this is why its weird.
I am torn because I miss all the connections and yet I am excited to be starting seminary and 4 hours closer to my fiancée. I know that I will develop connections here, but my fear is that they won't be connections similar to what I experienced in Greesnboro. I had so many brothers and sisters in Christ in Greensboro, and here I don't know how many I will have if any. I was at a place in Greensboro where I had enough good deep relationships with my brothers that I didn't need, didn't want, relationships that were "shallow". I wanted a friendship with someone in which we were both there to push each other towards Christ, not just to hang out, grab a beer and workout or ball together.
But here I am in Atlanta and I don't have any of that, I don't think I have ever felt so alone! And yet its only depressing when I am getting ready to go to bed or watching TV and my mind trails off to think about how alone I am. Otherwise I am quite content, excited actually, to be here. I mean I start seminary classes in not even 2 weeks! I couldn't be more excited to be moving on towards my MDiv at Candler. I mean getting my MDiv is something I've wanted since high school, and getting it at Candler is something I've wanted since falling in love with Alison (awwwwwwwwwwwwww!).
So I am torn, sad but excited. Which I guess makes sense, moving on towards God's glory which is ever before me in his call for my life is always excited, yet always sad, because He calls you elsewhere in life.
So there we have it, my first blog post in I don't know how long.
I guess this also is a new start again for me, since my last one fell by the way side like 6 years ago.
I hope it's enjoyable, and not lame; which I think is impossible, because I like to hear myself talk about important things. Of course I don't think I can be the judge of that.
It's weird to move away from so many good friends that I developed strong deep ties too, friends who have helped me deepen my faith for 7 years. It's sad, but weird more so because I'm not super sad, don't get me wrong, I miss everyone dearly, but how can I be sad when I am only moving further into God's glory for my life?
I think this is why its weird.
I am torn because I miss all the connections and yet I am excited to be starting seminary and 4 hours closer to my fiancée. I know that I will develop connections here, but my fear is that they won't be connections similar to what I experienced in Greesnboro. I had so many brothers and sisters in Christ in Greensboro, and here I don't know how many I will have if any. I was at a place in Greensboro where I had enough good deep relationships with my brothers that I didn't need, didn't want, relationships that were "shallow". I wanted a friendship with someone in which we were both there to push each other towards Christ, not just to hang out, grab a beer and workout or ball together.
But here I am in Atlanta and I don't have any of that, I don't think I have ever felt so alone! And yet its only depressing when I am getting ready to go to bed or watching TV and my mind trails off to think about how alone I am. Otherwise I am quite content, excited actually, to be here. I mean I start seminary classes in not even 2 weeks! I couldn't be more excited to be moving on towards my MDiv at Candler. I mean getting my MDiv is something I've wanted since high school, and getting it at Candler is something I've wanted since falling in love with Alison (awwwwwwwwwwwwww!).
So I am torn, sad but excited. Which I guess makes sense, moving on towards God's glory which is ever before me in his call for my life is always excited, yet always sad, because He calls you elsewhere in life.
So there we have it, my first blog post in I don't know how long.
I guess this also is a new start again for me, since my last one fell by the way side like 6 years ago.
I hope it's enjoyable, and not lame; which I think is impossible, because I like to hear myself talk about important things. Of course I don't think I can be the judge of that.
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